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The Book

Not another heavy self-help tome–you’ve already worked out the basics of your relationship. You know who you are and who your loved one is. All you need is a quick reference guide, a reminder and refresher of things to do (and not to do!) that can instantly bring both of you back to balance and harmony.

Enjoy the tools gathered here by two lesbians, relationship experts and award-winning writers. Kim and Renate got married after a cross-culture relationship of almost 28 happy years together. They know a few things about keeping love and sex, romance and intimacy alive for good. Here they share relationship stories and reflections with you, blending wisdom of the heart with healthy doses of humor.

In and out of the bedroom — Lesbian Marriage: A Love & Sex Forever Kit is the little book that could.

The Authors

AUTHORS.K and R Jerry BauerKim Chernin and Renate Stendhal are prize-winning writers as well as relationship experts. After a cross-cultural relationship of almost three decades, they are now a married couple. Lesbian Marriage: A Love & Sex Forever Kit is their third co-authored book. (They follow their own advice most of the time!)

Kim Chernin, Ph.D., has won acclaim for her numerous works of fiction, nonfiction, and poetry, including The Obsession, In My Mother’s House (Nominated for Chronicle Critics Award, and Chosen as Alice Walker’s Favorite Book of the Year, in 1983 New York Times), The Flame Bearers (1986 New York Times Notable Book and recipient of an NEA Grant for Fiction) and the National Best Seller The Hungry Self.  More about Kim.

Renate Stendhal, Ph.D., is German-born and Paris-educated. She works as a writing coach and relationship expert in the San Francisco Bay Area. She is the award-winning author of several non-fiction and fiction books, a cultural critic and Huffington Post blogger.  More about Renate.

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Sex is a Trickster

Language-tools are so easily forgotten and so easy to employ. After all, they carry the same magic as marriage vows with
their evocative power and emotional charge. Here are our dirty dozen.


What's In the Book

i. What is Sex?


ii. Instruction Guide

For the Sex Survival Kit

A Dialogue (Kim and Renate)

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Challenge 1

Butch and Femme —
The Habit of Roles

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Challenge 2

One Roof, Four Generations
Women Who Love
Too Many

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Challenge 3

You Always, I Never -
Grudges and Bed Death

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Challenge 4

Time IN/Time OUT -
The Power of Never Now

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Challenge 5

The Ravenous Beast —
Sex After Menopause? 

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Challenge 6

Myths of Desire —
Passion and Pain vs. Pleasure

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Challenge 7

The Genital Corset —
Loosen up 

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Challenge 8

The Other Woman —
Hot Burn/Slow Burn

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Challenge 9

In The Ring —
Fighting Fairly

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Challenge 10

To Sex or Not To Sex

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Challenge 11

The Make-Over Marriage —
Those Tricky Expectations

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Challenge 12

Tying the Knot —
Reinventing Marriage

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