-Guest blog by Bella-
Believe it or not, there is some truth to stereotypes. It happens to the best of us. I know that I’ve made judgments and had pre-conceived notions about what I thought to be true. I’ve fallen victim to the same stereotypes I claim outright to be dead set against. Below I’ve outlined 5 of them and I’ll attempt to see them from a new perspective.
1.Lesbian Bed Death
While the “Lesbian Bed Death” phenomenon is real (going through a very LONG period of no sex) and occurs to many couples, there is a big misconception that when you arrive at this stage- it’s the beginning of the end. On the contrary, venturing into a more sensual territory can re-invigorate your marriage, your sex life, and your own sense of intimacy. “Lesbian Bed Death” can happen to you and anyone when you reach a level of comfort in your marriage. When the initial spark or fire is gone many people mistakenly think there is nothing left.
For more information on Lesbian Bed Death, click here.
I have definitely seen these couple combinations and I’m pretty certain you have too. One version is an incredible femme paired with a stunning butch. However, not all lesbians follow stereotypical gender roles. Femme/Femme couples do exist as well as the rarely-seen Butch/Butch. It comes down to a sense of self; how you feel the most comfortable. For some, it is a dual set of high heels clacking on the floor and for others, it’s two pairs of sneakers hitting the pavement. Breaking out of gender roles or re-defining them to fit your uniqueness is not what you “HAVE” to be, but rather, what you “FEEL” you are.
3. All Lesbians Are Feminists
I know. This one is a no-brainer, right? I, Bella, writing this blog, had an incredible experience a while ago. I recently met a young lady who stood against everything I did. She was opposed to gay marriage, was incredibly conservative and considered George W. Bush one of the best presidents ever. While her opinions are hers and I respect them (we became good friends), I was completely floored to learn she was a lesbian. My initial reaction was to ask questions- who, what, when, where, WHY? As a lesbian, it was difficult for me to process what I felt as hurting the purpose of the LGBTQAI community in our quest for equality. After speaking with her, it was clear that I would not change her mind and it brought home to me that not all lesbians are for women’s rights or even equality. It’s now no longer a surprise to me to find a married couple with each of them coming from different sides of the fence.
4. Lesbians Hate Men
Oh, please! While it is true that some, (keyword SOME) lesbians had been married or in relationships with men before, it does not signify that leaving those men, lesbians turned into man-hating pariahs. On the contrary, many lesbians have friends which include men AND women, from all walks of life. This is a stereotype that exists even between lesbians!
It’s that same tired joke we’ve all heard at various times in our lives.
“What does a lesbian bring to a second date?”
Cue the half-hearted laughter pretending it’s the first time you’re hearing the joke. But, it does happen, though not as often as you might think. I didn’t move in with my girlfriend until TWO YEARS after we were dating. (What? Two whole years? We were practically married! That’s such a long time! *eye roll*)
While instantly moving in together is a joke unique to our community, many lesbians now choose to wait before taking that step, instead taking time to have a conversation about whether it should be now or later.
Stereotypes will continue to exist, so conform or don’t conform. It winds up being your decision and your decision alone and your decision alone.
To read more about lesbian stereotypes, relationships and marriage, check out Lesbian Marriage: A Love & Sex Forever Kit. The only guidebook you’ll EVER need.